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Feng Yan is an English teacher & associate professor at Liaoning Vocational College of Light Industry, 2012-2013 visiting scholar of Western Oregon University. Poems, essays, novels and translated poems are published in Selected Poems, Poetry Monthly, China Economic and Social Forum, etc. She won the 3rd Chinese Contemporary Poets Award in 2019.


Trigger Warning

In my memory,
Your lips mother never touched my dimpled face
You told me
Love does not show that way
I felt loneliness without your embracing love.

On Mother’s Day
I loved you only for your red roses
But you whispered to me
Between you and me only remember flowers
Bloomed and faded
Do not leave red rose memories
Missing them bleeds the heart.

I bought a red rose in every year for Mother’s Day
When that special festival came, those dark red flowers bloomed
You never knew
Bloomed, faded as my willpower and persistence
I had been delayed in the U.S.A.
Stared at my mother through video
She looked at me, so serene
As if what occurred never happened between us
I reminded her she must stay for me, she promised
I would reach her bedside
Then she went to paradise
And failed to keep her promise
Even though I could fly I arrived too late
When we were getting together at that last moment.

How many times in my dreams
Mother looked at me silently
Did not say a word
Grieving my heart, sorrowing the mind
Tears at every Mother’s Day.
Hug me, Mother
I miss you so much
Tears stain this poem
Please hug me, even if only in my dreams
Two shadows hug, happiness and joy
Please hug me in my dream again
On Mother’s Day

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